I just took my mid-term test today. I studied so hard, slept at 2am..and the result? I did so bad..in light of the effort i put in!! I was so disappointed with myself. It was so hard for me to believe that i did so bad. and i came out of the IB and i cried..tears came, cause i was so disappointed with myself.
Not only that, something else fuelled my dissatisfaction. People who took this course last year were allowed to keep their test papers. And the teacher used the SAME test paper this year. What happened was the students last year passed those test questions out to their friends and they just studied or memorized that because they know that it's gonna be the same test this time..verbatim!
That made me so mad! Is that right? Where's the conscience? The morality behind this? Is that not called cheating? Then why did the teacher allowed us to keep the test papers and give the same test again year after year. Why do bible college students choose the easy way out? the cheating way? Or is that deemed alright to help your friends that way? That's CHEATING!, right?!
Then why do i study so hard and get bad results because the test is tricky..while others just get away by memorizing the test paper? Where's the justice???
As for me, i feel better now. I think i just want to be so excellent that i want to be perfect. If i fail to get an 'A' for this paper..it's gonna be the first 'B' i get so far. It will break my heart..but i have to remind myself that my self-worth is not in how good i do in a paper. There are eternal values that are more important than just getting an 'A' in a paper. Yes, i believe in excellence with all my heart, but excellence is not perfection.
I hate to say this, but i just have to tell myself that..maybe i'm just not as smart as i think i am. I can be confident in myself..but my ultimate confidence should come from the Lord. I think i am better than average..sometimes i tell myself that i am smart. but hey..maybe..just maybe, i'm not that brilliant. i don't want to blame it on the tricky questions..cause i know i could have done better.
But it's okay now..it's all good. I've decided to put it all behind now. I will do better next time. I believe, i hope, and i'll do my best to make it up in my finals to score an 'A' for this paper. IF i don't, i'll have to be okay with it. It's not the end of the world!!
Dear..thanks for encouraging me..helping me cheer up. Sorry i almost blew up on you. =) i love you..
To all who are reading, i'm alright now. Don't worry, i didn't write this to get any consolation, i just need to express my thoughts in words. Thanks for *listening*
God..help me put You first in my heart, not studies..
...pheng
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2 comments:
=) THANK YOU!!
Can understand how u feel
that's our human nature side
I believe God has a purpose for that to happen
Upgrade yourself
not from the examination marks!
that's not what God wants..
He wants you to learn from Him
..your attitude is most important in every trial and testing
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